Sex Toys and Relationships: How Playing Together Can Bring You Closer

For many couples, a toy is not a shortcut or a fix for a problem. It is simply one more way to explore each other, have fun and feel closer. Used together, it can start honest conversations, add playfulness and help both partners relax. This guide explains why that often happens, how to raise the subject without awkwardness, and how to choose, use and care for a first toy as a couple.

Why playing together can bring you closer

Talking about what you enjoy is not always easy, even in a loving, long-term relationship. Many of us were never taught how to do it, and it can feel safer to say nothing. Choosing a toy together gives you a gentle, low-pressure reason to start. You share ideas, find out what your partner is curious about and agree on what feels comfortable. Many couples find that this openness carries over into other areas of the relationship too.

• Better communication. Saying what you like, and what you do not, becomes easier with practice. A toy gives you something concrete to talk about instead of vague hints.
• Shared novelty. Doing something new together is one of the simplest ways to keep a relationship feeling fresh. It does not need to be dramatic.
• Less pressure. A toy can take the focus off performance and put it back on enjoyment and curiosity.
• More trust. Agreeing on boundaries and then respecting them builds confidence on both sides.
• More fun. Laughing together, even awkwardly the first time, is part of what makes couples feel close.

Common worries, and how to think about them

It is normal to feel a little nervous about the idea. These are the worries couples mention most often.

“Will it replace me?”

A toy is an addition, not a replacement. It does not do what a partner does: the closeness, the attention, the connection. Most couples who use toys describe them as something they enjoy together, not instead of each other.

“Is it a sign that something is wrong?”

No. Plenty of happy couples use toys simply because they are curious. Wanting to try something new says nothing negative about your relationship.

“What if one of us is less keen?”

That is fine and quite common. Go at the slower person’s pace, and never push. Sometimes it helps to start with something small, such as browsing together without buying anything, and see how it feels.

How to bring it up

Choose a relaxed moment, not the middle of an argument or a hectic evening. Keep it light and curious rather than serious. For example: “I saw something that looks fun. Would you like to look at it with me?” Then listen as much as you talk.

• Start with what you appreciate about your partner and your relationship.
• Use “I” statements: “I would like to try…” works better than “You never…”.
• Accept “not sure yet” as a real answer, without sulking or asking again straight away.
• Agree that either of you can pause or stop at any time, with no explanation needed.

Choosing your first toy together

Browsing together is half the fun. For a first purchase, simple and easy to use is best. A few good starting points:

• Vibrators come in many shapes and are easy to share. Remote control models are especially popular with couples, because one partner can hold the control. Read our guide to remote control vibrators, and our comparison of rabbit, G-spot and wand vibrators if you are not sure which type suits you.
• For couples who prefer something a little more adventurous, our dildo range includes suction cup models that free up both hands.
• Choose body-safe materials such as silicone, and look for something rechargeable and quiet if privacy matters to you.
• Lingerie can be part of the fun too, and sets the mood without needing a toy at all.

For more ideas on getting started, read our simple guide to sex toys for couples.

Making the first time relaxed

• Set the scene. Warm lighting, music and no interruptions help a lot. Switch phones to silent.
• Start slowly. Begin on the lowest setting and build up. Let the toy be part of the evening, not the whole of it.
• Use lubricant. Water-based lubricant is safe with silicone toys and makes everything more comfortable.
• Keep talking. Check in with simple questions: “Is this nice?” “More or less?”
• Agree a stop signal. A word or gesture that means “pause” makes it easier for both of you to relax.
• Do not expect perfection. It may feel awkward or funny the first time. That is completely normal.

Looking after your toys

Clean every toy before and after each use with warm water and mild soap, or a dedicated toy cleaner. Dry it fully and store it in a clean bag or pouch, away from other toys, since different materials can react with each other. If you share a toy between partners, clean it between uses, and use a condom on it where appropriate. Charge rechargeable toys fully before first use and follow the maker’s instructions.

Vibrators to explore together

Keep it going

After the first time, check in with each other. What did you enjoy? What would you change? Small, regular conversations like this are what turn a one-off experiment into a more open, relaxed and playful relationship.

Every couple is different. There is no right pace and nothing you have to try. The aim is simply to enjoy each other more, in a way that feels good to you both. All our products are for adults aged 18 and over, and are delivered in plain, unbranded packaging across the UK.